It is required of every man," the ghost returned, "that the spirit
within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and
wide; and, if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do
so after death. - A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
"What the Dickens!" (I love saying this). So this is Christmas? So far all I've been doing is pining for the cold, dark streets of London and imagining being all wrapped up holding a mulled cider from the stall in Covent Garden and walking down Carnaby St. It must be said that London does Christmas phenomenally well and with all the trimmings. Last year, almost to the day today, I was walking through London's first snowfall. It was the middle of the night, the streets were deserted and I was walking home to Love Walk with my face turned up to the sky and the tiny snowflakes falling soundlessly to the ground. I'm probably not the only one who does this but I theme what I'm reading to the seasons so normally about this time I delve into the Russians (they're suitably Winterish) and you can't really beat Dickens for his festive themed reads. This year I feel though, seeing as I've reached the milestone of a quarter of a century (oh ma gawd), that I would do a little reflectin' just like Ebenezer Scrooge and think about what my Christmas Carol would look like.
Ghosts of Christmas Past
It goes without saying that I am not a lonely, miserable miser in the same way as poor Scrooge but Christmas has always been a holiday that has never been postcard perfect either. I've always felt like a little urchin looking in at others' windows, admiring their perfect tree, all the family gathered around and the mighty feast of Christmas day. As a wee little girl my Christmases were far from this image. We never had very much money and despite the fact that my family have spawned like rabbits they were never very close or very nice for that matter. My mum, bless her heart, always tried very hard to do something special and make sure there was at least something small wrapped up for me. So, as a kid I never expected presents or never had that sense of sleepless excitement on Christmas Eve that tomorrow would be the best day of my life. I just took it as another day.
Ghosts of Christmas Present
I may not have technically runaway from home but I might as well have. At 17 I went in search of something bigger and tried to escape the bleakness of what was a pretty hard childhood. Abroad at Christmas though was never very nice. I was a festive orphan for 8 Christmases. It was during this time however, that I was enveloped by the kindness and warmth of strangers who, without much ado, welcomed me into their homes, fed me great amounts of food and allowed me to be part of their families. It was a bittersweet realisation to come to recognise that strangers showed me the kind of feeling that one's own family are meant to but it was also overwhelming to feel that sort of love and kindness from your friends. So for 8 years, while I didn't have my beloved mum to share Christmas with, I did briefly get that card-perfect Christmas all courtesy of some of the very best people in the world. Forever may the scabbard of the Ghost of Christmas Present be empty so that peace and the goodwill of others can touch others like my Christmas orphan self.
Ghosts of Christmas Yet to Come
In a week, I return to my small, lazy hometown of Cairns for Christmas after quite a fair while away. The place is full of shadows and memories of a life I once knew, tried to run from, but one which I have come to accept has shaped me into the person I am today - stoic, happy and slightly quirky. I will spend Christmas day in 33 degree heat with my mum, the tree which she has bought for $15, and a pretty decent meal. We are still not rich people, I will still not be kept awake by excitement and won't have lots of presents to open. I will however, be with my family (aka the very best mum) and not a Christmas orphan and will have everything I need already (except for snow, I really want snow).
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I
will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all
Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they
teach.
